gonna be in california soon! i'm excited, cause it'll be my first time outside of northeastern US, besides canada.  and i got a new hair cut, thanks to thuy lieu!  she brought me to a salon called La Gala, and i made it up to her how my hair should get cut.  otherwise, i would have just not gone to a salon and had my sister do the regular trimmin that i've had for some years now.  i need to style it better, cause it takes on a shape when i shower at night and sleep on my hair.  if i were to shower in the mornin instead of at night, i don't know if my hair would still take on a shape.  at any rate, i wish it were gonna be hot temps in Cali (my sister checked weather.com and found the temps won't be high like we thought), cause i'm bringing skirts and tank tops only...well, not my pajamjams and a sweater for the supposedly cold nights.

sometimes i feel like i don't deserve to have family and friends.  i don't deserve to have the benefits that i do, even though it's not like my family's in the upper upper class or anything like that.  it's not like that at all.  average household, i think.  i believe i take things for granted.  i hope realizing this will encourage me to do better and work harder for the rest of my college career.  then again, i thought that knowing my education is being paid for would motivate me to work my ass off, but there i went and failed chemII.  and i thought that reading would be easy, cause i used to read for fun all the time.  but nope.  when it's boring stuff, and there are so many distractions (like noise and silence...can't find a medium yet), it's just impossible to get through more than a few pages.  i only worked hard for english, and it showed.  both semesters, english were my A subjects.  i hate it when i know that i coulda done better in certain classes (actually, all, cause hard work's s'posed to pay off) if i put in more effort.  sometimes i wondered if i woulda done better if i didn't have friends.  cause i wouldn't go out at night, sleep late, do something else non-academic-related...i woulda just been a hermit in my room or the library, studying.  but i guess the only reason i like college is cause of the social life that living on campus allows me to appreciate sO much.  sometimes i don't understand why someone would complain about something and not do anything bout it.  but if i look at myself, i see the same thing i'm complainin bout.  so i stop complainin.  sometimes i'll do something bout it.  but mostly i just try to at least stop complainin bout it.  in general, i just don't want people to get annoyed with me.  i don't wanna spend all my time complainin bout something when i could be saying other things...maybe something positive.  so...if you catch me complainin, stop me.  i want to become a more positive person.  i'm trying to change myself.  it's a weird feeling, and a funny notion to me, but i'm determined to let change overcome me (i know that musta sounded corny, but by golly, i don't give a damn!).  gotta work extra extra hard to get what i want, and i've already started by goin jogging with my sister.  even if i don't feel like goin, i'll go just to get some exercise.  it's either that or tennis.  but i'd prefer to jog and then play tennis.  cause i just feel like joggin in general.  i don't breathe correctly, but at least i feel like i've worked out in some way.  then the tennis just wears me down.  can't hustle like i used to.  and i sure as hell can't hit like i used to.  i think that's why..i don't play well anymore, so i subconsciously enjoy jogging over tennis now.  funny turn to things...i hate running.  the thing is that i don't want people to see me jogging.  so at school, as long as i keep this up, i think i'd jog around the less traveled areas on campus.  i realize it could be dangerous, but i trust it in the sunny hours.  otherwise, i'll just hafta recruit a partner...probably janet.